Some of the comments were:
- ya MIGHT have something worth developing, but it needs a LOTTA work.
- Overall, this story needs to be a bit clearer.
- The ending is actually quite clever.
I knew it wasn't the best piece, and I was ready to get kicked a bit, which is pushing me to look into improving this writing.
Here are some places I am going for tips:
- Get Me Writing: Short Stories
- 12 Secrets To Being A Super-Prolific Short-Story Writer
- Kurt Vonnegut’s 8 Tips on How to Write a Great Story
- How To Write Short Stories
I'll keep plugging away and keeping updates coming.